Journal #2 – Curiouser.. and a Little Bit More Mad

Posted: February 9, 2011 in Weekly Journal Entries

I’ve had this page open with only the title filled out for at least an hour now.  What am I looking for before I fill this out? Something amazing? Or am I just prolonging it in fear of not knowing what to say? If this was an active discussion where I could listen in to everyone first, I’d probably have something to say by now.

And here I am coming back to this 25 minutes after the first paragraph.  More time passes, but I’m not gaining anything intellectually.  In fact, I’ve only set up more meeting times for my upcoming weeks.  It’s ironic that though I want to retreat away from everyone to just think or focus on my own tasks at hand, I still can’t help but find myself in more positions of interaction.  Its times like these that make me question whether I am a Type Five.

Meditation has become quite difficult for me.  If it’s not being led by Professor Phillips, Stacy, or just any person who is able to guide the centering, the thoughts just keep flowing within my mind.  I acknowledge them, let them move on, but then a related thought pops up and so the chain continues.  To all those that may be reading, where do you take your 5 minute retreat? I can’t do it at home as my roommates are distracting (particularly one who is constantly sniffing or sneezing).  Campus would seem ideal, particularly in the larger grassy areas – but they’re so crowded throughout the day that only the evening seems fitting.  Would the library be an odd choice to try?  Any insight here would be appreciated, as aside from a setting where everyone else is in the process with me, I see little appeal elsewhere.

Finally catching up with the readings.  The most recent readings have really been interesting, not saying that the readings of the first two weeks were dull at all.  I often find my mind drifting when I find connection with something I read to something else in life, but one reading kept me focused and thinking only of what I was reading.  The Dalai Lama’s Ethics for the New Millenium reading for Monday captivated me in the sense that it started to challenge a lot of what I thought I believed before.  Being somewhat of an Agnostic (my family is “Buddhist” but we don’t really practice our religion other than during the passing of a family member, sadly enough), I have always revered science for providing answers.  Dependent on facts and “truth”, I often times found it difficult to accept others’ devout faith in their religion, when there seemed to be no proof of anything besides the claims within their texts.  The Dalai Lama suggests that “science begins to look a bit like another religion itself.  With this comes a similar danger…to intolerance of alternative views,” (11).  While I do believe in certain aspects of the “supernatural” and unexplained, I have never placed myself fully within a single religion.  There have even been times where I became intolerant to the idea of adopting a religion, in fear of being forced to believe everything without a second thought.  Could this be because of my personality that influences my questioning nature and the need to dwell over my collection of thoughts?  I hope to never reach the level of intolerance where I am led to hate a particular religion – I do wish that certain groups of individuals would leave me be in pondering my faith and beliefs, though.

I have a confession to make.  On Monday, for the reading quiz – I put wealth and life as the things that humans want most.  I read through the reading, understood the importance of happiness to humans.. and yet I could only think of the section where the Dalai Lama discusses wealth and the greed built within humans.  Am I so negative with my perception that humans are genuinely greedy – or does that reflect my own desires?  I’d like to think not.. who knows.

Before ending this week’s entry I need to confess again.  I’m afraid that my shadow may be creeping in.  I have been constantly annoyed with a roommate of mine, who just so happens to be one of the coordinators I have to work with in the student organization I’m part of on campus.  I don’t favor confrontation, so the annoyances have been accumulating and the snowball effect has come into play.  To “get back” at him, I honestly sometimes want to play juvenile pranks (polishing the apartment floors to see him slip since his carelessness led to me almost slipping).  Luckily I’ve resisted to preserve the calm that seems to exist within our apartment, but I think it’s time to integrate that shadow of mine into my consciousness before it takes full control.  Maybe April Fool’s Day..

And there he goes sneezing for the umpteenth time today.

  1. stacymarple says:

    Ahh roommate troubles. Perhaps you should romance your shadow, and instead of playing a prank, get your roommate to share a laugh (hopefully not at anyones expense!) and then begin a Non confrontational conversation about what is bothering you. my guess is, if you get your thoughts off your chest, the sneezing will stop bothering you!
    Do explore your own sense of what wealth is and means to you, and in our society.

  2. peanizzle says:

    A really good place to meditate is on the bench on the big hill in the Fire Trail behind CKC. Memorial glade is nice if you’re good at tuning out noise.

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